Other People on the Campaign Trail '12

It was my intention to make this a weekly blog, but last week came and went, and the blog is still here untainted... and relatively unread... douche bags.

Anyways, you haven't missed out on much. The past week hasn't been overly productive, but it hasn't been a waste either. Basically, I've started narrowing down my list of potential sugar mamas. Let the cougar hunt begin!

(yeah, it still looks pretty tacky...)

Speaking of hunting, looks like we have an official list of potential Republican presidential candidates; Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and (possibly) Jon Huntsman. Sarah Palin hasn't made an official announcement yet (thankfully), and Donald Trump has (thankfully) dropped out. I don't know why for the life of me. By all mean, The Donald had the support of Meat Loaf and Gary Busey (and I'm guessing Mr. T and Skeletor and a bunch of other celebrities that were mildly relevant back in the '80s).

("I'm Cobra Commander, and I approve thissssss messssage...")

I think I dig Ron Paul. He seems to know what libertarianism means, as opposed to the majority of the Tea Party. I'm looking for something a little more Penn Jillette, and a little less Glenn Beck. Lance has voiced his support of Jon Huntsman, if he decides to run. Basically, we've all talked and come to a consensus that we're not voting for Barack Obama. It's not that we hate the guy. We don't even dislike the guy. We just don't care for the guy. And that's the problem; we don't feel strongly one way or another about him. Way to go, Obama. We feel completely apathetic towards you, roughly the same way we feel about Chester A. Arthur.

(and God knows we don't need another Warren G. Harding!)

So far, it looks like Mitt Romney is the front runner, which I find mildly upsetting. It's not an issue of religion, it's an issue of policies and change in policies. In the past few months, he's gone from a moderately liberal Republican RINO to a hilariously conservative Tea Partier. I feel as though I just can't trust the guy. At what point do you stop courting the nomination and start selling out?

But maybe I'm just being picky. After all, who trusts politicians, anyhow? At this point, it looks like Mitt Romney is the Republican candidate, in which case I'll do a write-in ballot for Brian Wilson (the Giants' relief pitcher, not the singer; I'm not sure what his political views are, but when you're as awesome as that, does it matter?). If worse comes to worst, it'll be Palin/Trump, in which case I'll flee the country and live as royalty in Canada under the name "Larry Lee", the estranged and cynical son of Geddy Lee (I don't like Rush, so it shouldn't be that hard for me to play the part of Geddy's bitter illegitimate son). The only one I would feel equally apathetic towards is Herman Cain (although it would be neat to have a president that shares a name with Pee-Wee Herman).

(also, Herman Munster)

I guess it's still a bit too early to know for sure, but it's never too early for speculation. Speculation is what I do. I live in Utah, after all...