I Am Hater, Hear Me Hate

This may surprise you, but I'm not big "people person." What may surprise you even more is I'm pretty good with people (a trait I picked up in part at Subway, where sometimes the only way to keep yourself from killing the customer is putting yourself at their level). I really consider myself part of any given group of "people." I hardly even consider myself a "person." Humanity frustrates me. But it also intrigues me. As such, I've observed them. I observe and analyze people (perhaps the one thing I'm better at than feigning intelligence). That's why I call myself "The Random Examiner." I study habits and patterns within communities and individuals. Think of me as an amateur anthropologist. I think humanity is doomed to repeat itself, resulting in gradual devolution. However, I also believe that people are technically good, regardless of their own unique selfish ways.

So, to reiterate; I'm an observant misanthrope. I may not understand everything, but I hold strong opinions about life as I see it. And I usually get along pretty well with most people, in spite of being me. However, there are three groups of people that truly annoy me. Maybe I'm the bad guy here, maybe I just don't understand, but hey - haters gonna hate.

Hipsters

style: lensless glasses, ironic T-shirts (some of which I admit to owning), sweaters, stuff they bought at a thrift store

musical preference: crappy indie music, i.e. "____ before they got famous" (although they can also "ironically" like other, more "mainstream" music)

activities: sulking around, drinking coffee (Starbucks used to be a big hipster hangout, but I recently saw a hipster mug that says "Friends don't let friends drink corporate coffee." I guess Starbucks got too "mainstream"), talking about bands that used to be good until they got popular

Bros

style: fauxhawks, wings/flippies, backwards-sideways-or-off-kilter hats, pre-torn jeans

musical preference: Nickelback, Jack Johnson, radio-friendly hip hop, and the stuff hipsters used to listen to (before it went mainstream)

activities: watching Family Guy, listening to Dane Cook, sports (regardless of whether or not they have any emotional connections to the teams playing, bros will cheer wildly when a team scores another point), pretending they are black (so that they can use the "N" word without all that white guilt)

Juggalos

style: "hatchet man" logos, clown face paint

musical preference: Insane Clown Posse, Vanilla Ice (non-ironically), Tech N9ne, other Psychopathic Records artists

activities: I admit I know very little about juggalos. All I know is they're incredibly passionate about the music they listen to. I guess that's what annoys me; the fact that I don't anything about them beyond the music they listen to (and they drink Faygo soda, although I'm not sure if this is supposed to be ironic). All I know is I'm not crazy about Insane Clown Posse.

Poseurs

style: varies

musical preference: whatever they're not listening to

activities: pretending to be someone else. The point is (cue piano), don't be who other people want you to be. Be who you want to be. Otherwise, you're just a desperate douche bag. And now you know. And knowing is half the battle!