"The whole damn world is just obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex...
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends."
("High School Never Ends," by Bowling For Soup)
I like that song. I'm not really familiar with the band, but they have a fantastic name. But I'm not going to talk about Bowling For Soup today. I'm going to talk about America's fabulous K-12 education system. And why? Maybe I'm feeling nostalgic. Maybe I'm legitimately interested in what has become of my graduating class. But more likely, I'm just a bitter old geek with a chip on my shoulder.
But before I start railing against the system that gave me such a fine education (an education I put into practice each day... at Subway), here are a few quotes from some equally callous people;
"If there is a hell, it is modeled after Jr. High." - Lewis Black
"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country." - Kurt Vonnegut
"High school sucked. It was a universal truth, and whoever said these were supposed to be the best years of your life was probably drunk or delusional." - Kami Garcia
"Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you've got any guts. Some of you like Pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read." - Frank Zappa
I know that some of these seem a bit harsh, but they're all true. And if you want to question the validity of any of those statements, just look at the careers each of them made for themselves; Lewis Black is a popular comedian, Kurt Vonnegut was an influential satirical author, Kami Garcia is a New York Times bestselling author, and Frank Zappa made a heck of a career of making some very interesting music.
My first issue is with the teachers. Not that they are bad, but that they are too good to not be paid better. Kobe Bryant is undeniably a great basketball player, but is he really worth $28 million? Meanwhile, techers make an average $40 thousand. For educating and essentially babysitting your bratty kids. And how do teachers deal with this? Some start drinking. Others simply stop caring. The fact that any of these people can continuing caring after a prolonged exposure to this sort of treatment is inspirational. But if some teachers stop caring, the same thing happens to NBA players - because they think they're not getting enough. Let's review; teachers are paid mediocre salaries, ergo giving lackluster performances. Professional athletes get incredible salaries, and become entitled little brats.
(pictured; an entitled little brat)
My second issue is with the quality of education itself. We spend a trillion dollars on a, frankly, great military force, but we spend nearly half that on second-rate education? I mostly blame the parents on this one. Is there really an issue of what should be put taught in school? Are we honestly arguing sex education and evolution? If you don't want them to be taught those things, show a little parenting and teach them yourselves - at home. You're just screwing things up for the rest of our children. Hilarity ensues.
(okay, so maybe it's more tragic than hilarious...)
My last issue is with the kids. That's not something we can really control, but we can contribute. Whenever I turn on the TV, I see another high school melodrama. The topics range from realistic (teen pregnancy, bullying, etc.) to precautionary (student-teacher sexual relationships, violence, drunk driving, all that crap), to ridiculous (Mr. Belding coercing Zack Morris to go on a date with his niece). I see that kind of crap, but I don't really see the draw of it. Who the hell cares if Jenny is carrying the star quarterback's baby or the shop teacher's? High school was never that dramatic for me. Then again, I was hardly a typical teenager; I didn't go to any activities and I've never liked driving. But it is what you make of it. If you're going to spend summer vacation making the transition from preppy to punk (why the hell these labels matter, I'll never know) so that people will like you, go ahead. But I don't like you, and you're never gonna get everybody to like you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can act more like a real human being, and less like a teenager. By the way, my experience at Subway has been way more dramatic than high school ever was.
(Subway - coming soon to the FOX)
Oh, you can doll it up and play it off as cute and cheery, Disney, but you're only fooling yourselves (and a number of poor, misguided children). Give me the budget and the means, and I'll make a real High School Musical. But there's going to be more teenage promiscuity and illegal substances and far less music. Come on, East High. Your star basketball player is a rich white kid... Actually, that sounds pretty familiar. I think the only people on my high school basketball team were rich, white guys. Even so, I can tell you there was much less singing, except for amongst the "theater queers" and "choir fags" where they belonged - and would never be heard.
Whenever people ask me if I plan on attending my ten-, twenty-, or beyond-year high school reunion, my answer is always the same; I stare at them blankly for a while (just long enough for it to get awkward) and walk past them without saying anything, crop dusting them as walk by them. I highly doubt I'll go to any reunion, because high school never ends.
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