Return of the Revenge: The Sequeling

It was ten years after Night of the Living Dead that George A. Romero made Dawn of the Dead. Fifteen years passed from Escape from New York until we saw Snake Plissken Escape from L.A. And it took 19 years for Indiana Jones to discover the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, although that particular discovery would have been best left undiscovered. The point is, sometimes it takes way too long to make a sequel.

But I'm back. And bitchier and more catty than ever. If any of you even care any more.

To those of you reading this, I have just a few questions I'd like to ask you. They're questions I ask anybody I care to know better. None of the cordial, predictable "favorite bands" or "favorite movies" horse crap I ask everybody when we initially meet. These are True Questions of the Soul;

1) Let's imagine you were approached by a wealthy individual of your same gender. Said person offers you money for just one night of sex. What's the least amount of money for which you would agree to this proposition?

To those men who are wondering who's pitching and who's catching, you're already thinking way too much about this. But I'll play along; think of the minimum amount you'd be willing to accept for each.

If you're answer is free, you're probably gay (good for you!).

If you're answer is anything less than $1,000, you're a whore (good for you!).

If you're answer is anywhere from $1,001 and $10,000, you're greedy (and I ain't judgin').

If you're answer is anywhere from $10,001 to $25,000, you're probably desperate.

If you're answer is $one million, congratulations, you're a douche.

If you'd never do it, ever, then you're probably lying.

If you said you'd be willing to do it for free, so long as the homophobic Christian right had to watch, good for you; you're so edgy and progressive and probably gay!

The moral? Everybody's got a price.

(something I learned from Ted DiBiase as a child)

2) Answer the following;

Do you believe in God?

 _Yes _No _Maybe

Do you believe in ghosts, zombies, etc.? 

_Yes _No _Maybe

Would the existence of ghosts or zombies prove or disprove the existence of God? 

_Prove _Disprove _Neither

This reveals quite a bit about your religious beliefs. For example;

If you answered Yes/Yes/Prove, you're a dogmatist.

If you answered Maybe/Maybe/Neither, you're the worst kind of agnostic.
If you answered No/Yes/Disprove, you're a hypocrite (and probably Bill Maher).

("I also believe in alternative medicine.")

3) Assume you were found guilty of treason, you will be put to death in two days. However, they let you choose your last meal and your method of execution. What would be your last meal and how would you be killed?

This serves no purpose besides my own twisted amusement. My own answer is brats, sauerkraut, Buffalo wings, and an ice cold Coca-Cola. I would then be killed by a firing squad.

(or by beheading, if it can be done by this guy)

4) Think carefully about this one. If you could have any superpower, what would it be, what would be your alias, and would be a hero or a villain?

I already know my answer. I would have the power of exact change; every time I reach into my wallet, I have the exact amount of money that I need. I would call myself "Exacto". It's the perfect superpower. Going to the movies? Getting some popcorn, maybe? Pow! Buying a new car? Zap! Hey, Mr. Rapist, what would it take for you to not go through with this? Bam! And don't worry about the economy; it all comes from illegal activity. You see, my pocket is only as deep as the criminal activity in this country. The moment there is no money illegally changing hands is the moment I go broke. So, that would make me a hero, wouldn't it? And it's probably not a power I should be calling attention to, but honestly - if I have that power, I'm going to use the hell out of it. And once I run out of street criminals and mob bosses, I'll have a whole new stack of money to use from government officials.

(and those guys have the most dirty money of all)

5) This one is a little controversial; if you had to go back in time to assassinate or attempt to assassinate one of the following, who would it be? Your choices are;

A) Che Guevara

B) Ronald Reagan

C) Both

If your answer is A, you lean conservative or at least don't buy into that martyrdom crap.

If your answer is B, you lean liberal or you're obsessed with Jodie Foster.

If your answer is C, you're rational or psychotic (sorry, there's really no middle ground here).

(¡Viva el Cheagan!)

Now that you've answered these questions, I'll get back to writing, and I'll try to have another sequel for you again soon.