What the World Needs Now is One Good Punch

You probably thought I was going to say "love, sweet love," didn't you? This coming from the man who taught about the virtue of pessimism and thinks things like misogyny and sacrilege are funny? Highly unlikely.

No, what the world needs now, with all due respect to Burt Bacharach (meaning "none"), is a nice, solid punch in the face. We're the same ones who make climate change political and think sharing a Facebook status update can overthrow a dictator. Honestly, is there anybody who doesn't deserve to be hit in the freakin' head? People may fight the idea at first, but if given the chance, I think we could all think of at least dozen people on whom we'd like to personally inflict such pain. So, if given the chance, if you could punch any three (living) people, famous or not, right in the face, without any repercussion, be it physical or legal, who would they be and why? I think about this quite a bit. My top 3 are;

#1 - Glenn Beck

I cannot stand this man. He claims to be libertarian, but I get the feeling he doesn't really know what that means. He's so damn apocalyptic. He's quick to point out the faults he sees in America without presenting any real solutions and frequently connects liberals and others he sees as a threat to Nazi Germany using his own twisted version "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon." It doesn't help that he's pretty much celebrated as a second prophet in Utah. And what does this man possibly know about being George Washington? I must have missed that part in American history where they friends, colleagues, or at least contemporaries. I'm so sick of conservatives (or liberals, for that matter) hijacking history and claiming the founding fathers as one of their own. Different times present different challenges which call for different solutions, like whether or not to declare independence from Great Britain; not demanding the president's birth certificate.

(look at that face. now, try telling me you wouldn't punch it)

#2 - Fred Phelps

I think the term "evil" is too loosely translated and overly used these days. Anyone who disagrees with you is suddenly "evil" (just ask Glenn Beck). But this man is evil. Look, it's okay if you disagree with gay marriage or going to war or if you don't accept other religions' doctrine. To picket the funerals of fallen soldiers or a gay loved one, using their deaths as leverage and preying on the fragile state of the family members is just evil. They're taking advantage of the freedom of speech to launch very personal attacks on those who can't defend themselves. And what is it with their doctrine of "God hates"? Let's not bring God into this guys; you're the ones with the problem.

(you wouldn't punch an old man, would you? I sure would!)

#3 - Glenn Beck

I'm not going to lie to you. I just want to hit him twice.

(I like to pretend I'm the one who made him cry...)

Some people like to count sheep as they go to sleep. Some people like to clear their minds and meditate. I like to think of punching people. And if the stress and blood pressure involved with thinking with such intensity leads to my early death, at least I can die happy.

Sweet dreams!