The Master Debator

The story so far: the GOP has pitted drab millionaire Mitt Romney against the well-spoken, poorly-advised incumbent President Barack Obama. Either side seems convinced that they will lose, and have thus resorted to good ol' fashioned smear tactics. Yes, because the way you get things done in this country by finger-pointing and name-calling. Maybe I would be more excited if I believed a word either of them said.

You how to make people interested in the Presidential debates? Get somebody who knows what he's doing; the ultimate orator, the Ultimate Warrior!

For those of you who don't know or otherwise don't care, the Ultimate Warrior was professional wrestler whose popularity rivaled that of Hulk Hogan in the early '90s. We're talking about a man so dedicated to his character, he ended up changing his name to Warrior. The face-painted, muscular madman was known to be crazy in the ring, and kind of a douche outside the ring. But one cannot argue that the man has wicked awesome speeches (just watch, it has to be seen to be understood).

Yeah! Unify the Hulkamaniacs with the little Warriors! Or, to apply it to modern times, we must set aside our differences, whether we somehow still manage to defend Obamanomics or if we are the bugnutty Tea Party loyalists. I think the speeches would be so much better if the candidates had to yell their answers instead of talk their way out of them.

And, at the end of each debate, we'll play something epic, letting people know, "yeah, it's the end of the world. So what? You can either blame it on other people or embrace it."

Warrior has also been on CSPAN. Yes, he is a bit of a conservative jerk. But he also paints! No truly evil man can also make art, can they? With the exception, of course, of John Wayne Gacy, Charles Manson, and Adolf Hitler.

(no truly evil man could be so inspirational, either!)

You know you want to see it as badly I do. When it comes to the debates, there would be none better. The man, the myth, the legend; the Ultimate Warrior.