Other People's Kids are in business, and we're in the process of making a short film. It's based on the idea that when the sun explodes, it would take eight minutes before anyone on earth realized it. It will show the last minutes of life on earth, and so far the movie shows promise of being our best work. So for those of you who are fans of our funnier stuff, I'm sorry, and I would like apologize each of you. All eleven of you.
If you found out you were about to die, how would you spend the rest of your life? The initial response is that you would spend time with your family and loved ones, but I'm almost certain it would end in some good, old-fashioned looting. So, unless you plan on looting with friends and family, quit lying to yourself. You know you've always wanted that high-def flat-screen television, and you only have a few short hours to enjoy it, damn it!
I myself would treat it like any other day. Why should death dictate my actions? What's that? I'm pretty sure I heard scoffing. Half of you probably think that's selfish of me to spend my last moments in seclusion, and the other half of you are calling me out on not being afraid of death. "But Randy," you're saying, "it's easy to say you don't fear death until you're looking down the barrel of a gun." Well, to you self-righteous turds, let me just say, that's already happened to me. And it was more annoying than scary. Having an eighteen- or nineteen-year-old kid demanding your bags and watches is really irritating. All we had in our bags were scriptures anyway. That was the easiest missionary work I've ever done. But maybe it was a matter of who was wielding the gun. Maybe if it was some Bam Bam Bigelow-looking guy instead some small, slender, boyish Brazilian, it might have been more frightening. But then, if the attacker's holding a gun, should that really matter?
(not pictured; the guy who held me up)
There worse things to happen than death (which is why I'm pro-euthanasia). If I was dead, besides not having to experience pain, I wouldn't have to deal with the things that piss me off (like dolphins) or frighten me (like horses). And that sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
(the only thing I trust horses in is glue)
I would argue that most people aren't actually afraid of dying, but rather the uncertainty of death. Heaven offers a peace of mind to those who believe in an afterlife (although, if there is a Heaven, I'm less certain about my entry into it). I think what we should fear is leading an unfulfilled life. I have so much to experience, I can't afford to die yet.
And I intend to live for a while. Obviously, I can't dictate my mortality, but I'm not gonna be the one to pull the trigger. That's prone to change should I ever get cancer or I'm paralyzed, but as for now I'm content living and breathing and treating every day like every other day. And you know what? Most days are pretty damn decent. Even those with horses and dolphins (which, I admit, aren't very many, but I was speaking metaphorically).
The point of having a gun is that it turns even Stephen Hawking potentially lethal. Why would you give Bam Bam a gun? That's like putting a T-Rex in an M-16.
ReplyDeleteI'd spend my time with family...but ikf, as you say, we'd only have 8 minutes between the sun's explosion and our imminent deaths, then I suppose I'd just keep doing whatever it is that I was doing when the sun initially exploded.
ReplyDeleteAnd if we only have 8 minutes to live, are we REALLY going to spend it looting? I feel quite certain that if I knew a meteor was headed straight to earth, and there would be no survivors, I'd grab the nearest person and give him a hug. There's not enough hugging going on in the world these days...