Sad Clowns & New Beginnings

Welcome to The Random Examiner, a proud affiliate of Other People's Kids. For those of you who don't know, Other People's Kids is an internet comedy troupe based in Utah formed by Lance and Levi Tarver, who I first met through high school collaborations in their now-defunct Sad Clowns Productions, under which they wrote and directed several high school assembly videos. Other People's Kids consists of Lance, Levi, Kurt Polk, Tony Sparrow, myself and Mike Jensen (sometimes known as Mike Summers, but we're trying to put an end to that). It is being referred by some people (me) as "the Monty Python of the youtube generation."

I have nothing but faith in the project. The Tarvers are both great directors and they're working with really talented and funny people. Lance is even pursuing a business degree to help legitimize his ambitions. Heaven forbid I ever get a real job. With skills like mine, I could never work as a public employee. And I can't go back to school.

(this pretty much sums up my academic performance)

But it's not to say I don't have backup plans. And if any of us need a backup plan, it's me. The following is a short list of things I can do if I don't make it as a comedic actor.

1) Disney Star

(...wait, what were we talking about?)

This one came to me as an epiphany when I was watching flipping through the channels one evening. I was thinking to myself "how can I possibly make it as an actor if I don't know how to act?" when I happened upon the last twenty minutes of High School Musical. What I saw was a bunch of admittedly beautiful people who didn't know how to act, sing, or dance, acting, singing, and dancing. I'm not young and sexy enough to have my own Disney show, but I could be a secondary actor. I could play the underachieving older brother or perhaps the creepy uncle.

2) Cougar Bait

(well, sure, it looks tacky on him, but I'd make it look tasteful)

Hollywood is full of beautiful, aging actresses looking for a younger guy to settle down and start a family with. At that end, some of them end up landing guy who, frankly, isn't in their league. I could be that guy. A sexy cougar and a bridge troll. I'd need to spend a lot of nights at Hollywood clubs approaching mildly inebriated and moderately depressed actresses, which I'm not used to, because a) I don't go to clubs and b) I don't drink that much. But I'm willing to sacrifice a couple hours of sleep on the hunt for my cougar.

3) Politician

(it's funny 'cause it's true... wait, did I say funny? I meant depressing)

I don't have a degree in political science and I really have any experience in politics besides occasionally watching TV, but that didn't stop professional wrestler-turned-actor-turned-Governor-turned-paranoid conspiracy theorist, Jesse Ventura. The only experience Arnold Schwarzenegger had was as a chairman on the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports under President Bush (H.W., not W.). But with the recent discovery of infidelity and a love child, it sounds as though the former Governator is as qualified as any John Edwards (and let's be honest, Maria Shriver shouldn't be surprised; she's a Kennedy, after all).

I was going to write a fourth, but I couldn't really think of anything more. I guess those are my only options. I suppose that means I'm screwed. I better pray this OPK thing takes off...