The Virtue of Pessimism

I have long said that realists are just pessimists in denial, and I very much believe that. this probably isn't going to win me any popularity contests, but if a celebrated author like Ayn Rand can write about "The Virtue of Selfishness," I think it's only fair that I can stand up for my philosophy.

Pessimism is described three ways by dictionary.com;

- the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only the bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc. (partially true)

- the doctrine that the existing world is the worst of all possible worlds, or that things naturally tend to be evil (true; I dare you to find a world more evil than ours)

- the belief that evil and pain in the world are not compensated by goodness or happiness (false; that's nihilistic even by pessimistic standards)

My branch of philosophy is transcendentally idealistic apathy - borrowing a theory from Immanuel Kant sprinkled with the remains of the victims of Pompeii, who were too apathetic to even flee the hot ash from the volcano. In egoism, you believe that you matter more than all others. You won't make a lot of friends this way, but at least you have yourself to keep you company, you dick. In altruism, you put others before yourself. Jesus was a good example of this, and just look what happened to him. Good guys, I'm sorry to say, finish last. But in pessimism, everybody is equally useless.

This says nothing of love. I hate people, but I can still manage to love them. Parents manage to love their children, even when they screw up (and vice versa with children for parents). Love is a biological/emotive phenomena. It's because so much goes into it that makes it so hard to explain. It's akin to the way you can love a dog. He may be old, fat, and stupid, but he's your dog, dammit! But that doesn't particularly make him any less useless. Apathy, on the other hand, is easy.

It's noble to help an old woman who fell over. But if you don't do anything, you're seen as the bad guy. You may as well be the one who pushed her over! But what about the people whose initial response was to lagh? Be honest - if an old, overweight lady wearing a bright, floral muumuu got up to get another Big Mac and tripped over a rambunctious three-year-old, how many of you would laugh? And yet, those who do nothing are often judged as harshly as those who laugh. I'm not saying it's right, but I'm saying there's a line that needs to be drawn.

(some of you are laughing already)

Pessimism can be very rewarding. Don't scoff so loudly, altruists. Hope can be an effective tool. It can get you through hard times. But so can apathy! Take sports, for example. There are teams I like and teams that I dislike. I believe that holds true to most. When a team you like is losing or a team you dislike is winning, you can use apathy to emotionally disconnect from the game.

Hope for a better tomorrow can be a good thing. But you're just hoping for something to happen between today and tomorrow to make something, somewhere, better. That's called procrastination, and it branches off from apathy.

So what to make of pessimism? What makes it so rewarding. When you expect the worst from things and get better, it makes for a nice surprise.

And need I remind you of cultural importance of pessimism? Quick, name me three truly positive comedians! As you struggle through that, I'll list ten negative comedians that are twenty times funnier.

Don't hate the messenger. Hate the message.

(yes... I feel the hate flowing inside you!)