I have been described as many things, but I think the most accurate description is "different." I have a pretty eclectic taste in pretty much everything. I like my hot dogs burnt and my steak rare. I actually enjoy the off-brand knockoffs more than real Mountain Dew. I prefer the Elvis impersonator reggae cover band Dread Zeppelin over the original (actually, they were a bunch of thieving plagiarists) Led Zeppelin. And, apparently unlike most of the rest of the country, I don't like dubstep (in my days, we called it "techno," and techno sucks).
Being a bit of a nerd, it should come as no surprise that I have an interesting taste in comics and superheroes. There's Deadpool, Marvel's schizophrenic mercenary whose sarcasm has earned him the nickname "The Merc with a Mouth." There's Lobo, DC's psychopathic, homicidal, heavy-drinking, hard-living bounty hunter from outer-space. And then there's The Flaming Carrot, a demented vigilante and self-proclaimed superhero who wears a carrot mask and flippers on his feet (his origin story explains that he suffered brain damage after reading 5,000 comics in a single sitting).
Comics are important to nerds like me. Every nerd has their favorite superhero. A former high school physics teacher I had was infatuated with Superman (but she was always quick to point out it was not an obsession, but a "mild adoration"). One of my friends is equally enamored with both The Flash and Boba Fett (while Boba Fett doesn't really count as a superhero, some Star Wars fanboys would argue differently).
And that's the thing - I never really had a favorite. I've always felt that Superman was overrated (I can just hear Ms. Smith now - I think she just opened her Superman logo-emblazoned switchblade). The X-Men were cool... when I was a kid and didn't know any better. Toby Maguire ruined Spider-Man for me. I like The Hulk, but I don't think I could call him my favorite in good conscience. Batman's cool, but way too popular (yeah, I'm a real comic book hipster). So, to reiterate, I love comics, but I never had that one superhero that I loved above all others.
Until now.
It came as somewhat of an epiphany.
Aquaman.
Aquaman is a bit of a comic book taboo. He's dismissed as "pointless" or "useless" amongst the majority of nerd culture. After all, what crime is there to fight underwater? Well, first off, let me address those criticisms with a question - when did anybody choose their superpower? Do you honestly think Peter Parker would have chosen "spider-powers"? Or the Human Torch would have chosen to engulf his body in flames? What is he, a stuntman? Wow, that's cool, he's essentially a pyrotechnician. Woo. And Green Lantern? Really? Screw him. Seriously.
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| (pictured; the only way to make Batman even cooler) |
Also, it's a comic. Of course there's underwater crime. I bet you'd all be a lot more grateful for Aquaman if he'd solved the BP oil spill.
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| (who's laughing now?) |
If Superman has it all, Aquaman has everything else. He can (obviously) breathe underwater. He can swim at high speeds. He has limited sonar hearing. And, of course, the infamous ability to communicate telepathically with marine life. And that makes him lame? Why? There are way lamer heroes than Aquaman. Ant-Man. The Wonder Twins. All of the Superpets (including, Beppo, the Super-chimp - screw you hardest of all!). The only reason people think Aquaman sucks is because he's in the Justice League with much bigger heroes than himself. Superman (showboat). Batman (moody). Wonder Woman (even with all those bondage themes). Green Lantern and The Flash (remind me again why Aquaman is the lame one here?).
By all means, he's actually a pretty cool guy, but he has the unfortunate role of living his life being compared to the rest of the Justice League. It's not his fault he's got comparatively stranger powers. That doesn't make them any less meaningful. I can relate to that. I'm still trying to figure out my lot in life and find my own super powers, but I'm surrounded by people who have their life in order, or at least know where they're headed. That just makes me lame by comparison.
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| (apparently, Aquaman is also kind of a jerk like me) |
God bless Aquaman.
Screw Superman.
And forgive me, Ms. Smith.
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